读后续写：细节描写训练 讲义

1、Continuation writing skill: descriptionTeaching goal: Learn how to describe a scene.前情提要：感恩节到了，“我”和妻子想向贫民区捐赠物资，因此我们需要一辆货车来购买和运送货物。I. Lead-inQ： Which one is better? Why?Para A: But the vans didnt stop. With time going by, my wife felt disappointed because I still didnt make a plan stop. I felt very anxious. Suddenly a van stopped. I tried to explain what we were doing to him, but he didnt agree. I told him how meaningful the things we did were.Para B.However, they came, and sped up, only to leave

2、 ash and dirt dancing in the air. Fingersnumbed by thechilly wind, throat choked by dusty air, we felt ever so frustrated on the crowded streets. “Who can we turn to?” my wife murmured with a fierce frown.Staring into my wifesredeyes, we found ourselves on theedge of giving up, until it suddenly dawned on me Hope always fell at the last minute. Because there are descriptions of what we( main characters) see/ hear/say/do/feel.Description is painting a picture in words of a person, place, object,

3、or scene. A description essay is generally developed through sensory details, or the impressions of ones senses-sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch.描写：通过对各个感官的细节描述和刻画人、事与物。描写叙述叙述：陈述事情的来龙去脉和前因后果。写作中，叙述与描写并行，描写必不可少，不能用叙述代替描写。C. But none of them stopped to let us fulfill my goal. We stood at the street helplessly in the wind. I looked at the sign at the street corner occasionally and an idea burst in my mind, I asked my wife to give me a paper and wrote down my our ideas to help people in need w

4、ith our food during thanksgiving and blessings about the festival, then we expected the generous people to help us fulfill the goal happily. (马玎)II. SkillsSkill 1.what to describe in a scene? 一个编剧的入门What to see/say/hear/do/think所见、所说、所听、所做、所想我们要去拦下一辆车（所见）车来车往，尘土飞扬（所说）我们在做一件有意义的事，你能加入我们吗？（所听）呼啸而过，几乎没有车停下来（所做）挥手，呼喊，举起纸板（所想）我要再坚持一会，希望总是在绝望时降临我们去贫民区分发物资（所见）挣扎在贫困边缘的家庭，无家可归的流浪汉 （所说） /（所听）人们发自肺腑的感激（所做）卸货，挨家挨户分发，被人们的开心所感动（所想）善意可以给别人的生活带来一些不同，之前的辛苦都很值得，感到充实，传递了感恩节的精神Task 1: 分析自己作文，每句属于所见、所说、所听、所做、所想中的哪个方

5、面？还缺少哪方面？北极熊洗过被辣椒水喷过的眼睛后，从湖边朝我们跑来（所见）巨大的身躯，晃动着栏杆 （所说）（所听）愤怒的咆哮声回荡在营地（所做）逃命，一边找食物拖延住北极熊，一边打电话求救（所想）非常害怕，思考还有什么东西能够拖延住它不愿整理房间的亚瑟将玩具堆了一地，还刺痛了他的光脚（所见）玩具散落在房间各处 （所说）妈妈，帮我收一下玩具吧。妈妈，我的袜子在哪里？（所听）可这次妈妈没有回应（所做）自己收拾了地上的玩具（所想）整洁的地面果然更舒适，也不怕伤到脚了，原来收拾房间也没有那么困难Skill 2. How to describe a scene?一个编剧的基本功分解动作，增加镜头感1. They refused our request.However, they came, shook their heads and sped up, only to leave ash and dirt dancing in the air and drown us in deeper frustration.2.When my wife felt sad, I tried my best to

6、 comfort her.She turned around, croaking, with tears sliding down her cheeks. I reached across her shoulder and pulled her close to me.Practice: 3.The boy fell off the stairs and the jar dropped to the ground.The boy slid on the stairs. At the same time, the jar flew from his hands and dropped on the ground, with the apple jam in it scattering everywhere.添加细节描写，增加质感1. My wife felt very disappointed and decided to give up.Fingersnumbed(麻木) by thechilly（刺骨的）wind, throat choked by dusty air, we fel

7、t ever so alone on the crowded streets of New York “Who can we turn to?” my wife murmured with a fierce frown.2. We sent the gifts to the poor people.We distributed goods among families struggling desperately on the edge of poverty and orphans without a roof over their heads.3. When he said yes, we were too excited.Excitement took our breath away when he replied with a simple but warm yes.Practice: 4. She smiled happily and I felt happy too.A huge smile spread across her face, which lit up my gl

8、oomy afternoon.Task2：修改自己第段中的一处动作描写，将动作分解，并添加细节。Skill 3.What writing skills to use?一个编剧的进阶通过介词结构With tears streaming down her face, words failed her.At the sight of the polar bear, I was seized by a strong sense of horror with my palms sweating.借助非谓语She wept, hiding her face in her hands. Based in warm sunshine, she felt the pain and anger swept away.动作描写与心理描写相辅相成开心时候的动作？-跳起来，喜形于色，放声大笑或尖叫，奔跑等dance with pleasure, with a jump in the air, burst into laughter沮丧受挫时候的动作？声音变低，皱眉，叹气，低头，表情茫然，眼神黯淡等with a

9、lower voice, frown, sigh, bow, a blank expression, the light in ones eyes darkened悲伤时候的动作？-声音沙哑哽咽，泪流满面，嚎啕大哭，沉默不语等The voice was hoarse and choked, Tears welled up in my eyes, burst into tearsLater in the dark after the movie had started, I heard Hudson next to me, croaking tears were sliding down his cheeks.(The Kite Runner追风筝的人)惊恐时候的动作？-不自觉的后退，一跳而跳，不敢动弹，用手按住胸口等make a running step back，jump to ones feet, be too frightened to move, be so startled by, press ones hand upon ones chest, be frozen at the sight of.犹豫时候的动作？-徘徊，左右为难，来回踱步，皱着眉头等without saying a word, wander back and forth, be stuck in dilemma, linger无聊时候的动作? -到处漫无目的来回走动，拿起东西放下，胳膊肘撑在桌上（发呆）等pace restlessly, wander about some place aimlessly, pace b

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