演示文稿1 中山大学 商务沟通.ppt

• Massive lock gates are utilized to manage the water levels in the rivers, so that ships can move from one direction to another. The water level behind one set of closed locks can be much higher than that of the next compartment through which a ship will travel. • We can compare this scene to the state of mind of an individual suffering from deep emotional wounds, or involved in a serious interpersonal conflict. With disparate water levels there is a buildup of pressure behind the closed locks. • If one were to open these lock gates, the flow would be mostly unidirectional. Likewise, a person who is holding（克制或抑制自己） in her emotions needs a release. Such an individual is unlikely to (1) think clearly about the challenge or (2) be receptive to outside input from another. • The role of the listener or helper is to allow such an individual to open the lock gates. When he does, the water gushes out. During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives. Only when the water level has leveled off between the two compartments, does the water begin to flow evenly back and forth. • The role of the listener is to help empty the large reservoirs of emotion, anger, stress, frustration and other negative feelings until the individual can see more clearly. Not until then, can a party consider the needs of the other. Perhaps we can think of it as listening first aid. • The process of listening so others will talk is called empathic listening. Empathy, according to some dictionary definitions, means to put oneself in a position to understand another person. Certainly, this is an aspect of empathy. We prefer to define empathy, however, as it is often used in psychology: the process of attending to another so the individual feels heard in a non-judgmental way. • Empathic listening requires that we accompany a person in her moment of sadness, anguish, self-discovery, challenge (or even great joy!). This approach to listening was developed by Carl Rogers, author of Client -Centered Therapy.1 Rogers applied the method to the rapeutic as well as human resource management skills. When an individual feels understood, an enormous emotional burden is lifted; stress and defensiveness are reduced; and clarity increases. • We spend a large portion of our waking hours conversing and listening. When two friends or colleagues have an engaging dialogue, they will often compete to speak and share ideas. Certainly, listening skills play an important role in such stimulating exchanges. When it comes to empathic listening, we do not vie to be heard, nor do we take turns speaking. Rather, we are there to motivate and cheer the other person on. • Empathic listening skills require a different subset of proficiencies than conversing, and it is certainly an acquired skill. Many individuals, at first, find the process somewhat uncomfortable. Furthermore, people are often surprised at the exertion required to become a competent listener. Once the skill is attained, there is nothing automatic about it. In order to truly listen, we must set aside sufficient time to do so. Perhaps the root of the challenge lies here. People frequently lose patience when listening to another’s problem. Empathic listening is incompatible with being in a hurry, or with the fast paced world around us. Such careful listening requires that we, at least for the moment, place time on slow motion and suspend our own thoughts and needs. Clearly, there are no shortcuts to empathic listening. • Effective listening and attending skills can be applied to all of our interpersonal and business relationships. We will become more effective listeners as we practice at home, in our business dealings, and in other circles. One of the greatest gifts we can give another is that of truly listening. Different approaches to listening• There are different approaches to providing assistance. One helping model involves a three-step process: 1) attentive listening, 2) asking effective diagnostic questions, and 3) offering a prescription, or solution. Slowly, or sometimes quite abruptly, people move from listening to prescribing. It is not uncommon, under some circumstances, for a person to focus on the third of these steps: offering advice (sometimes even when none is sought). In other situations, individuals may utilize the first two steps. Perhaps most uncommon is an emphasis on listening alone. • On the way home from a father-daughter date, I asked one of my daughters if I could give her some free advice. “I certainly don't plan to pay for it,“ she quipped. On another occasion, another young woman came to see me. Sofa could not perceive how giving the cold shoulder to Patricia who had been her best friend at the university was not only a cause of pain to the latter, but also a way to further escalate the growing conflict between the two. • I no longer。