英语幽默笑话集锦绝对好笑.doc

一． Mental deficiency 智力缺陷"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."“医生，你能不能告诉我， ”鲍勃问， “对于一个看 上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢？”“再没有比这容易的了， ”医生回答， “问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不 干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。

”“那要问什么样的问题呢？”“嗯，你可以这样问， ‘库克船长环球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次 呢？’”鲍勃想了一会儿，紧张的回答道， “你就不能问另外一个问题吗？坦率地说，我对历史了解的不是很多 ”二． A Girl's Name 女孩的名字A Girl's NameWhen our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.女孩的名字女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。

几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了我对她解释说：你的名字很特别我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他我相信他会为你而深感自豪的迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字三． A Gentle Reminder 委婉提醒Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"　　Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。

在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？” 　　他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗？”四． 请朋友吃饭 Friend for DinnerFriend for DinnerHoney, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!I know all that.Then why did you invite a friend for supper?Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.请朋友吃饭“亲爱的， ”丈夫对妻子说：“我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭 ”“什么？你疯了吗？我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏 的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。

”“这些我全都知道 ”“那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭？”“因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢 ”五． 半个还是十分之五 Half or Five Tenths?Half or Five Tenths?Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.半个还是十分之五老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘?杰拉得：我宁可要半个老师：仔细想想，说出理由来杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了六． I don't think I know 我想我不知道Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"John: "What do you think it is, sir?"Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"老师：“John，动词 ring 的过去分词是什么？” 。

约翰：“你想它是什么呢”？老师：“我不用想，我知道！” 约翰：“我想我不知道” 七． 情人节的梦表乱讲One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?""You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".情人节前一天，一个女人做了个项链的梦。

当她醒来，她和她丈夫说：“我刚梦到你情人节给了我一根珍珠项链你说那是什么含义呢？” 到情人节那天你就会知道了 ”他笑着说情人节那天，男人给了他老婆一个礼盒她很兴奋地打开，看到的却是一本书，书名是《梦的解析》 8． 最物理学的冷笑话A bunch of great, DEAD scientists were playing hide-and-seek in heaven. When it's Einstein's turn to be the seeker, he counted untill 100 and opened his eyes. All the others were hide, but only Newton were still standing there.Einstein walked to him and said: "Newton, I've got you!"Newton answered: "No. You didn't got Newton."Einstein said: "Then who are you!?"Newton said: "Look, where am I standing?"Einstein looked down and found that Newton was standing on a square floor board with one metre long and one metre wide. He didn't understand.Newton then said: "There's one square meters under my feet. It then make us 'Newton divided by square meter". So, what you've got is not Newton, but Pascal."一群伟大的科学家去世后在天堂里玩藏猫猫。

轮到爱因斯坦抓人，他数到100睁开眼睛，看到所有的人都藏起来了，只有牛顿还站在那里爱因斯坦走过去说：“牛顿，我抓住你了 ”牛顿：“不，你没有抓到牛顿 ”爱因斯坦：“你不是牛顿你还能是谁？”牛顿：“你看我脚下是什么？”爱因斯坦低头，看到牛顿站在一块长、宽都是一米的正方形地板砖上，大为不解牛顿：“我脚下是一平方米的方块，我站在上面就是牛顿/平方米所以你抓住的不是牛顿，你抓住的是帕斯卡 ”物理公式当中“1牛顿/平方米 =1帕斯卡”……物理学家的笑话好冷、真的好冷……九． 上帝不聋奶奶聋Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his l。