关于长篇英语笑话大全长篇笑话最新笑话大全.doc

关于长篇英语笑话大全长篇笑话最新笑话大全笑话在文体上即文学样式上属于小说,因为它和小说“血缘”关系最近笑话具有的娱乐功能是其首要功能笑话虽小,但它含有极强的语言表达技巧和人类的高超智慧WTT分享关于长篇英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!关于长篇英语笑话：Fast PopeThe Pope arrives at JFK and hes met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, “Pope.”After getting all the Popes luggage loaded in the limo-and His Holiness doesnt travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.“Hey, Mr.Pope,”says the driver in accented English, “Why have you not seated yourself in the excellent limo?”“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “They never let me drive at the Vatican, and Id really like to drive.”“That is very much against the rules!” protested the driver, wishing hed never left Calcutta.“There might be something extra in it for you,” said the Pope.Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope got in behind the wheel.Thedriver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to105 mph.“Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr.Pope,”pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal.Thenthey heard the siren.“Oh, my Gods, now I am surely losing my license,” moaned the driver.The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio.“I need to talk to the Chief,” he said to the dispatch.When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that hed stopped a limo going a hundred and five.“So bust him,” said the Chief.“I think the guys a big shot,” said the cop.“All the more reason.”“No, I mean really a big shot,” said the cop.“Whatd ya got there, the Mayor?”“Bigger.”“Governor.”“Bigger.”“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”“I dont know,” said the cop.“Buthes got the Pope driving for him.”关于长篇英语笑话：Microsoft gets churchBy Hank VorjesVATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St.PetersSquare this morning, MICROSOFT Corp.andthe Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT mon stock.Ifthe deal goes through, it will be the first time a puter software pany has acquired a major world religion.With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will bee the senior vice-president of the bined panys new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.“We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years,” said Gates.“Thebined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people.”Through the MICROSOFT work, the panys new on-line service, “we will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time” and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences, said Gates.“Youcan get munion, confess your sins, receive absolution -- even reduce your time in Purgatory -- all without leaving your home.”A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are away from your puter.An estimated17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peters Square, watching on a 60-foot screen asedian Don Novello -- in character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement.WhenNovello chided Gates, “Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats,” the crowd roared, but the pontiffs smile seemed strained.The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vaticans prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci.Butcritics say MICROSOFT will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit petitors access to these key intellectual properties.“The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures,” said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia.“Youtake the parting of the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came on the scene.”But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a mon Abrahamic heritage.“TheCatholic Church has just been more successful in marketing it to a larger audience,” notes Notre Dame theologian Father Kenh Madigan.Overthe last2,000 years, the Catholic Churchs market share has increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted by Christianity, lags behind.Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive petitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism,。