2025版高考英语一轮总复习写作培优第2部分第3讲如何润色语言__升级有技巧课件.pptx

第三讲如何润色语言升级有技巧技法指导构思好续写情节之后，在具体的续写时，我们应对所罗列的要点进行筛选、整合、打磨，让文章语言更出彩首先，考虑与原文用词特点和行文风格的一致观察有无直接引语、各类从句、特殊句型、非谓语动词的灵活运用等通过模仿创新，提高与原文的协调性，使用多样的句式和结构以及有效的衔接词，力求在各个语言层次的表达风格上与原文保持一致同时，确保语言运用的正确、生动、形象根据情节需要可以运用一些优化语言的技巧提升语言表达效果微技能一添加状语，表达更生动在写作过程中，我们经常通过添加状语来交代时间、原因、目的、方式、条件、伴随状态、心理状态等，使句意更加清楚明了，同时也可以使语言更加丰满典例1】原句Old Peter sat in his empty restaurant.添加状语后Feeling frustrated,old Peter sat in his empty restaurant.简评原句只是对事实进行了简单地陈述，而添加了表达心理和情感的状语Feeling frustrated后，读者不但能了解事实，还能感受到主人公的沮丧和失意【典例2】原句The woman quickened her pace towards the red building.添加状语后Eager to see her beloved daughter,the woman quickened her pace towards the red building.简评原句对“那位妇女为什么加快脚步”没有作任何解释，添加状语后的句子交代了原因，不但丰富了句子的内容，而且使一个急于见到自己心爱的孩子的母亲的形象跃然纸上即时演练(一)通过添加状语使下列句子更为生动1The man looked Lily up and down._2The dog leapt to his feet,snorted happily and bounded forward._The man looked Lily up and down in disbelief.Upon his masters arrival,the dog leapt to his feet,snorted happily and bounded forward.3After finishing his work,the man tiptoed to the bed._After finishing his work,the man tiptoed to the bed so as not to wake his baby.微技能二细化动作，形成动作链在读后续写的写作中，动作描写占有相当大的比重。

学生在续写过程中存在的典型问题就是语言表达欠生动，描写人物动作时粗略带过，对于一些微小的动作描写往往兼顾不到解决这一问题的有效方法之一是在写作过程中要细化动作，把原来的动作分解成一连串细微的动作，形成动作链，这样才能使人物或描述的场景更有画面感和立体感典例3】原句Lisa walked toward her father.细化后Lisa saw her father in the distance,so she jumped up and made her way through the crowd toward him.简评在细化动作描写中，作者对Lisa向她父亲走去的动作进行了分解，加进了saw和jumped up这两个动作，并且也把原句中画面感不强的 walked toward 升级为made her way through the crowd toward，不仅使表达更生动形象，还表现出了Lisa看到父亲后的激动心情和急于穿过人群和父亲见面的情景【典例4】原句After I finished painting walls in the bedroom upstairs,I went to clean the windows.细化后After I finished painting walls in the bedroom upstairs,I brought up some water and old towels,and then stepped on a bench to clean the windows.简评在细化动作描写中，作者对擦玻璃的准备工作和擦玻璃的过程中涉及的动作进行了细致描写。

主人公的一系列动作brought up、stepped on和clean使得擦玻璃的场面画面感很强即时演练(二)通过细化动作使下列句子更为生动1Terrified,Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knew._2Jason got on a taxi._ Terrified,Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knewwe yelled at the bear,hit pots hard,and fired blank shotgun shells into the air.Jason stopped a taxi,jumped in with his suitcase and told the driver“Go to the police station,please.”微技能三把静态写成动态，刻画鲜活画面在对人物和事物进行描写时，如果只有静态的描写，往往会显得呆板这时，我们就可以通过将这些静态描写转换为动态描写，赋予这些客观事物以运动感、活力感、变化感，使其“活”起来。

在读后续写中恰当地使用动态描写可以更加鲜活地表现人物和事物，使文章更加引人入胜典例5】静态 I was very terrified at the sight of the fierce wolf.动态 At the sight of the fierce wolf,I froze with terror.简评静态描写用形容词terrified来表达自己看到狼时的状态，改为动态描写froze with terror以后，既表现出了自己看到狼以后的害怕心理，又突出了身体的瞬时反应和害怕的程度，使得描写更加形象【典例6】静态 She was nervous while waiting.动态 While waiting,she nervously paced up and down outside the room.简评静态描写用形容词nervous来表达她等待时的心情，改为动态描写paced up and down outside the room以后，通过人物的身体动作在房间外踱来踱去，将其在等待时万分焦急的心情描绘得惟妙惟肖即时演练(三)通过将静态写成动态使下列句子更为生动1When the host announced that she won the prize,she was excited._2Upon hearing the bad news,she felt very sad._When the host announced that she won the prize,her eyes twinkled with excitement.Upon hearing the bad news,her heart ached,tears streaming down her cheeks.微技能四巧用修辞手法，表达更形象修辞手法在文学作品中是一种必不可少的手段。

在续写时运用修辞手法不但可以发散学生的思维，还可以使描写更生动，同时也可以增加文章亮点，提升文章的层次写作中最常用的就是比喻、拟人、夸张等手法典例7】原句The lovely children are smiling.修辞后The lovely childrens smiling faces are like beautiful flowers in spring.简评原句只是平淡地叙述孩子们笑的场景，运用比喻的修辞手法后，让人仿佛看到了一张张笑脸，描写更生动【典例8】原句Immediately,the forest became very dark.修辞后 Immediately,absolute darkness ruled the forest.简评原句只是非常平实地描述了森林变暗这一场景，运用拟人的修辞手法后，赋予原本没有生命力的“黑暗”以“统治”这个动作，让句子变得生动，感染力更强了即时演练(四)根据提示利用修辞手法使下列句子更为生动1Theres enough food in the cupboard.(夸张)_2She received the bad news at midnight.(拟人)_3Mac was frightened of what happened just now.(比喻)_Theres enough food in the cupboard to feed an entire army!The bad news knocked at her door at midnight.Mac felt what happened just now was like a bad dream.微技能五积累描述性词句，续写意蕴丰满1注重情感描写让人物情感更丰富人物情感描写是对人物在特定环境下产生的想法、感触、联想等心理活动的描写，旨在深刻揭示人物的精神世界。

在读后续写中，描写人物的情感是常用的描写方法，恰当的情感描写能够表现文中人物的性格，推动事件的发展在描述人物情感时，要突出文章的中心，与人物的性格吻合，符合事件发展的逻辑要选用恰当的词句通过情感描写精确地刻画人物的内心世界1)常用词汇cheerful adj.快乐的excited adj.兴奋的joyful adj.欢乐的pleased adj.欣喜的，高兴的；满意的tear n常用复数眼泪，泪珠sorrow n悲痛；忧伤sadness n悲伤，忧愁pain n痛苦grief n悲痛glare v对怒目而视annoyed adj.恼怒的，气恼的shame n羞愧；耻辱hopeless adj.没有希望的，绝望的anxiety n焦虑be wild with delight欣喜若狂be in high spirits情绪高涨be seized with panic惊慌失措a strong sense of loss强烈的失落感be down in spirits情绪低落lose ones spirit垂头丧气get mad/cross at sb.对某人勃然大怒ignore a complaint对抱怨不予理会stamp ones foot in anger愤怒地跺脚feel discouraged感到泄气的(2)常用语句The surface of the calm lake stirred the waves,and my mood was as cheerful as a wave.平静的湖面激起了浪花，我的心情也像浪花一样欢快。

I couldnt restrain my joy and jumped into the house.我抑制不住内心的喜悦，蹦蹦跳跳地进了家门We were very pleased to hear this encouraging news.听到这个令人鼓舞的消息，我们十分高兴He was delighted to receive recognition for his achievements.他的成就获得了认可，他很开心He stood silently,tears rolling down his cheeks.他静静地站着，眼泪顺着脸颊流下来I feel like I am floating in an ocean of sadness.我感觉自己正漂浮在悲伤的。