和体育项目有关的幽默.doc

1．Agnes: My poor friend Lena has spent her whole life chasing men. 　　Abigail: Did she ever catch one? 　　Agnes: No, but she’s personally responsibly for several men qualifying for the Olympic track team. 　　Agnes：我可怜的朋友Lena一辈子都在追逐男人 　　Abigail：她追上过吗？ 　　Agnes：没有，但她个人要对几个有资格参加奥林匹克竞赛队的男人负责 2．Mega: How do you like riding school? 　　Julie: It’s great! My horse is very polite. 　　Megan: A polite horse! What do you mean? 　　Julie: Whenever we come to a jump, he lets me go first. 　　Mega：你觉骑术学校怎么样？　　Julie：非常棒，我的马非常有礼貌。

　　Mega：马有礼貌！你是什么意思？　　Julie：每次我们来到跳跃（栏）时，它都让我先走 3．Sam: A funny thing happened to me today. I was at the racetrack and bent over to tie my shoe, when some nearsighted jockey strapped saddle on my back. 　　Tom: Astonishing! What did you do? 　　Sam: What could I do? I ran the best race I could and came the third. 　　Sam：今天一件奇怪的事情发生在我身上，我在赛马跑道上弯腰系鞋带时，一个眼睛近视的骑师把马鞍子绑到了我背上 　　Tom：真是让人称奇！你怎么做的？ 　　Sam：我能做什么？我尽我所能跑了我最好的一场比赛，得了个第三 4．Annie: Why are you running? 　　Danny: I’m trying to prevent a fight. 　　Annie: Between whom? 　　Danny: Between me and that bully chasing me. 　　Annie：你为什么跑？　　Danny：我在设法阻止一场殴斗。

　　Annie：谁跟谁呢？　　Danny：我和追我的那个流氓 5．Horse owner: This horse is eight-years- old and he’s never raced before. 　　Jockey: How come? 　　Horse Owner: Well, we couldn’t catch him until he was seven. 　　马主：这匹马8岁了，他以前从来没有参加过比赛　　职业骑师：怎么会呢? 　　马主：它7岁以前我们抓不住它 6．Driver number 1: Every time you race around one of those sharp curves when 　　you’re driving, I get scared. 　　Driver number 2: Then why don’t you do what I do and close your eyes? 　　司机1：你开车每次急转弯时我都吓死了　　司机2：为什么你不和我一样闭上眼睛呢? 7．I’m delighted to find after all these years that my tennis game has not deteriorated. It’s just as bad as before. 　　我很高兴这些年我的网球技术没有退化，还象以前那么臭。

8．Housewife: Hello, Acme Plumbing? Come quick, I’ve got a huge leak in the basement! 　　Acme: Sorry, we can’t get there for at least two days. 　　Housewife: Two days! What’ll I do in the meantime? 　　Acme: Try teaching the kids to swim.家庭主妇：喂，Acme水暖部吗？赶紧过来，我家地下室水哗哗地漏！ 　　Acme：对不起，我们要至少两天才能过去 　　主妇：两天！我这段时间怎么办呢？ 　　Acme：想法教孩子们游泳 9．A Woman Without A Man Is Like A Fish Without A Bicycle. 　　没有男人的女人就象没有自行车的鱼 　　幽默注释：鱼没有自行车对生活没有什么影响 10．The most popular indoor sport this year is sleep.　　最流行的室内运动是睡觉 11．场景再现：美国棒球运动员说： 　　"People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000." -- Pete Incavigila, baseball player for the Texas Rangers. 　　人们都以为我们一年能挣三四百万，他们不知道我们大部分人一年只能挣50万美元。

　　幽默注释：他感觉自己还挺可怜，一年只能挣50万美元 12．Fred: I’m going on a diet to improve my golf game. 　　Barney: How will losing weight help your game? 　 Fred: Because right now I can’t see the ball if I put it where I can hit it, and I can’t hit it if I put it where I can see it. 　　Fred：我要节食来提高我的高尔夫成绩　　Barney：减肥怎么能帮助高尔夫呢？　　Fred：因为现在如果把把球放在我能击得着的地方，我就看不到球，如果把球放在我能看得见的地方我又击不着球　　幽默注释：肚子太大了真碍事儿 13．场景再现：获得冠军的棒球队成员接受采访时解释他们获胜的原因： 　　Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical. 　　棒球90%要靠智力，其它一半要靠体力　　幽默注释：算术没学好，处处显摆自己头脑简单。

14．A boy kicked his football, and it landed in a chicken yard. The rooster looked at its size and crowed to the hens, “Ladies, I don’t like to complain, but I wish you’d come over and take a look at what’s being done in other yards.” 　　一个男孩子踢足球，球落在了一个鸡舍里公鸡看着它的大小，冲母鸡叫道，“女士，我不喜欢抱怨，但我希望你过来看看别的院子里人家都在做什么 15．I won’t comment on his golf game. Suffice it to say he loses an average of eight golf balls a game --- and when he does find one, it’s usually lying next to an unconscious person. 　　我不评论他的高尔夫技术，他在一场比赛中平均丢8个球——好不容易找到一个球时，通常就在一个昏迷不醒的人旁边，这足够说明问题了。

　　幽默注释：打得高尔夫球乱飞 16．Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? 　　Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. 　　Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game. 　　医生求病人：帮帮忙好吗？你能最大声最痛苦地尖叫几声吗？　　病人：为什么？医生，这次还不是那么糟糕?　　医生：等得人太多了，我不想错过四点钟的球赛 17．场景再现：你给同学讲一些人生无常、提防险恶的道理： 　　Life is like surfing, you might catch a good wave and it will be a fun ride, but watch out for those sharks. 　　生活就象冲浪，你可能赶上好浪，那会是一次有趣的航行，但要提防那些鲨鱼。

　　幽默注释：顺境时也要时刻防范不测发生 18．The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." 　　"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide 　　程序员对儿子说，“我给你买了个新篮球 　　“谢谢你，爸爸，但使用说明书呢？” 　　幽默注释：儿子受了老爸很大的影响 19．No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning. 　　自己的球队胜利后，谁也不说“那就是场游戏” 　　幽默注释：自己的球队失利后，你们相互安慰：这就是场游戏，又不输房子输地但当自己的球队胜利后，欣喜若狂 20．When the game is finished, the king and the pawn go into to the same box. 　　游戏结束时，国王和士兵进入同一个盒子 　　幽默注释：人生就象一场游戏，游戏结束时，亿万富翁也好，平头百姓也好都进入一样大小的棺材（或骨灰盒）。