小学英语笑话.doc

小学英语笑话1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行" DID YOUR DAD...2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。

汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了 6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!开车 父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆他回答说你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里 9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。

谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案 老师：请说说看 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子 富婆牵狗散步，路遇乞丐富婆傲慢的对乞丐说：“你管我的狗叫声爸，我就给你一百元！”乞丐说：“我要是叫十声呢？”富婆开心答道：“那我就给一千！”乞丐当即冲狗喊了十声爸，引得观者如云众目睽睽下，富婆只得掏钱给乞丐乞丐接钱后，连声喊道：“谢谢妈！谢谢妈！！”和老婆在的士后排座坐着车快到的时候，我问多少钱，司机说18元老婆就翻包掏钱，我兜里正好有零钱，就掏出一张20元给司机顺口对一旁的老婆说：“别找了！”老婆还没反应，只听司机说了声：“谢谢啊！”对面的小美女饭量真小，吃面真浪费，扒拉两口就走人于是我正义的把那碗面倒给路边看起来很饿的野猫一会，美女回来，手里拿着一瓶水，一脸狐疑的看着那个空碗！小明呢，明天就要考试，但晚上却在看电视 小明妈妈就担心地问：书都看完了吗？明天要考试啊 小明就爽快地回答：妈，我看完了 小明妈妈就很开心的赞扬小明：乖，那明天你一定考得很好呢 小明哭着说：妈，我是说，‘妈，我看，完了’你姓啥？ 我姓魏 魏什么啊？ 不为什么，我爸姓魏我就姓魏5岁的女儿让老爸帮她做某事。

老爸：“爸爸很累啦，你夸我两句吧，你夸我两句我就又有劲了 女儿：“老郑！”老爸：“哎！” 女儿：“你家妞妞长得可真漂亮啊一个男人非常的怕老婆一天,他老婆又当着客人的面和他吵了起来,并打了他一耳光为了面子,男子壮着胆子大吼:“你敢再打我一下?”他老婆毫不犹豫地又打了一下男子看吓不住老婆,只得说:“既然你这么听话,我就饶你一次吧。