英文笑话带翻译.doc

Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more.------------------------------------------author------------------------------------------date英文笑话,带翻译英文笑话,带翻译A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.' 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。

Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? Jack: Certainly. Tom: And why? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑我该不该借给他？ 杰克：当然应该了 汤姆：为什么？ 杰克：否则他就该跟我借了Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行". He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。

他受了伤 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了The SwimmerThe teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast. Johnny laughed. "Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher. "No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were." 老师给同学们讲了一个小故事，说有一个人早饭前要在河里游泳，横渡三趟 约翰尼笑了 老师问道：“你不相信一个游泳很好的人可以做到么？” 约翰尼回答说：“不是的，先生，我是不明白他为什么不游四次，好回到他放衣服的那边 Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"两个男孩与祖父母一起过夜，他们跪在床边做睡前祷告。

弟弟声嘶力竭地祈祷: "我祈求一辆自行车，一张新DVD……"哥哥用肘轻推他: "你为什么大喊着祈祷？上帝又不聋"弟弟答道:"上帝是不聋，但是奶奶聋"A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!""No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"巡警发现一名妇女边开车边织毛衣，便开车上前，说："靠边停车(套头衫)！""不，" 她回答，"是一双袜子！"A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说再给你两分钱可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的 Mother: Why are you jumping up and down? Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle. 妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？ 汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢 Jim’s History Examination Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination? Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born. 吉姆的历史考试 舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？ 母亲：唉，糟透了可话又说回来，这也不能怪他嗨，他们尽问一些这个 可怜的孩子出生前的事儿 The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door."Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"六岁的约翰娇生惯养。

他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母他想要什么不是哭，就是闹他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱　　约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”　　“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了Two birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀,一只是燕子谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案 老师：请说说看 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子 A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before 。