马克.吐温《婴儿》(中英文).docx

马克.吐温《婴儿》(中英文) 马克.吐温《婴儿》(中英文)由我整理，希望给你工作、学习、生活带来方便 马克吐温的祝酒词《婴儿》 1879年11月13日 主席、各位来宾： “婴儿”是我们每人都曾有的特点我们不幸不能生为女人，我们也并非都是将军、诗人或政治家，但是话题说到婴儿时，我们便有了共同点——因为我们都曾是婴儿听众大笑）这世界数千年来一直都不曾为婴儿庆祝过，好像他不值什么东西一样，这实在是一大可耻之事各位先生，请你们仔细想想，如果你们退回几十年前，当你们刚结婚不久，你们有了第一个孩子，那你们就会记起婴儿实在等于太多的东西了，甚至比其他任何事都更重要听众再度大笑） 所有的军人都知道，当这位小家伙来到你的家中时，你就得呈递辞职“书”，而他则完全掌管了全家，你变成了他的仆人、随从，随时要站在旁边听候命令他不是那种按照时间、距离、天气或者其他事情付给你薪水的指挥官，但你不管在任何情况下都执行他的命令，而且在他的战术手册中，行军的方式只有一种，就是跑步群众大笑）他用各种最粗野无礼的态度对待你，但即使你们中间最勇敢的人也不敢说一句违抗的话你可以面对死亡的风暴并予以还击，但他用手紧抓你的胡子，扯你的头发，拧你的鼻子时，你只得忍受。

听众大笑）当战争之雷声在你耳际响起时，你面对炮弹以稳健的步伐向前迈进；当他发出惊吓的呼叫时，你却掉头向他冲去当他要吃能安慰他的糖果时，你敢不立即服务吗？不！你会马上去拿他需要的东西！如果要喝奶，你敢反抗吗？不会的，你一定是立即把奶热好，甚至还会吸一吸这热好的、无味的奶水，看看温度是否适当，成份是否弄对了——3匙水、1匙奶粉、一点糖我现在还没有尝过这个东西呢！（听众大笑，笑声震天） 你这样下去倒是学会了不少事情较富感情的人仍然相信一个美丽的古老传说：婴儿如果在睡觉时微笑，是因为天使在对他说话这个传说很美，但实在太不可信了，朋友们听众大笑）如果你的婴儿提议每天早晨两点半做例行散步，你难道不是马上爬起来，并强调那是你就要做的事吗？啊！你是受过很好训练的，而当你穿着“不整齐的制服”（群众大笑）在房间里来回不安地走着时，你不只是学着婴儿的语调说话，还会用含有母性的声音唱着催眠曲，例如“宝宝睡”对田纳西陆军团来讲，这真是一件奇迹！然而这对邻居来讲却是件痛苦的事，因为在一里之内的地区，并非人人都喜欢在凌晨3点钟听到军乐听众大笑）当你这 样持续了二三小时，而婴孩又认为运动和声音都引不起他的兴趣时，很可能整个晚上都要这样奋战下去，直到精疲力尽为止。

听众又是大笑） 婴儿比起你和整个家要能提供更多的东西，他是一种企业，充满着无可压抑的活动，做着他高兴做的事，而且你不能限制他一个婴儿就够你天天忙了，所以如果你还有理智的话，就不要祈求生双胞胎如果是三胞胎，那简直是造反了笑声雷起） 如今世界上的三四百万摇篮中，有些是我们国家将世世代代视为神圣之物而保存起来的，如果我们知道是哪几个的话因为在这些摇篮里，未来的栋梁此时正在长牙；未来闻名的太空人正望着银河以一种无精打采的神情眨着眼睛；未来的历史学家正躺在那里，直到他的这一任务完成；另一个，未来的总统正忙着烦恼他的头发还没有长齐之类无聊问题听众大笑）其他大约6万个摇篮里装着未来的官吏，还有一个摇篮在旗子之下的某个地方，篮内躺着未来的有名的美国陆国司令，因为此时负担的责任和荣耀极少，于是把他整个富于战略的心都用来寻找能把他的大脚趾放入口中的方法这一类的成就我们今晚的贵宾们在几十年前也曾注意过（我决无不敬之意）如果这个小孩能证明我们对他的预言的话，恐怕没有人会怀疑他会成功地找到那个方法的听众大笑，掌声久久不停） Speech On The Babies AT THE BANQUET, IN CHICAGO, GIVEN BY THE ARMY OF THE TENNESSEE TO THEIR FIRST COMMANDER, GENERAL U.S.GRANT, NOVEMBER, 1879 The fifteenth regular toast was \"The Babies--as they comfort us in our sorrows, let us not forget them in our festivities.\" I like that.We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies.We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.It is a shame that for a thousand years the world\'s banquets have utterly ignored the baby, as if he didn\'t amount to anything.If you will stop and think a minute --if you will go back fifty or one hundred years to your early married life and recontemplate your first baby--you will remember that he amounted to a great deal, and even something over.You soldiers all know that when the little fellow arrived at family headquarters you had to hand in your resignation.He took entire command.You became his lackey, his mere body servant, and you had to stand around, too.He was not a commander who made allowances for time, distance, weather, or anything else.You had to execute his order whether it was poible or not.And there was only one form of marching in his manual of tactics, and that was the double-quick.He treated you with every sort of insolence and disrespect, and the bravest of you didn\'t dare to say a word.You could face the death-storm at Donelson and Vicksburg, and give back blow for blow; but when he clawed your whiskers, and pulled your hair, and twisted your nose, you had to take it.When the thunders of war were sounding in your ears you set your faces toward the batteries, and advanced with steady tread; but when he turned on the terrors of his war-whoop you advanced in the other direction, and mighty glad of the chance, too.When he called for soothing-syrup, did you venture to throw out any side remarks about certain services being unbecoming an officer and a gentleman? No.You got up and got it.When he ordered his pap-bottle and it was not warm, did you talk back? Not you.You went to work and warmed it.You even descended so far in your menial office as to take a suck at that warm, insipid stuff yourself, to see if it was right--three parts water to one of milk, a touch of sugar to modify the colic, and a drop of peppermint to kill those hiccoughs.I can taste that stuff yet.And how many things you learned as you went along! Sentimental young folks still take stock in that beautiful old saying that when the baby smiles in his sleep, it is because the angels are whispering to him.Very pretty, but too thin--simply wind on the stomach, my friends.If the baby proposed to take a walk at his usual hour, two o\'clock in the morning, didn\'t you rise up promptly and remark, with a mental addition which would not improve a Sunday-school book much, that that was the very thing you were about to propose yourself? Oh! you were under good discipline, and as you went fluttering up and down the room in your undre uniform, you not only prattled undignified baby-talk, but even tuned up your martial voices and tried to sing! --\"Rock-a-by baby in the treetop,\" for instance.What a spectacle for an Army of the Tenneee! And what an affliction for the neighbors, too; for it is not everybody within a mile around that likes military music at three in the morning.And when you had been keepi。