ted 演讲 如何成为一个更好的交谈者

All right, I want to see a show of hands how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food? And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just dont want to talk to them?好的，我想让大家举手示意一下，有多少人曾经在Facebook上拉黑过好友，因为他们发表过关于政治，宗教，儿童权益，或者食物等，不恰当的言论，有多少人至少有一个不想见的人，因为你就是不想和对方说话？You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in “My Fair Lady”: Stick to the weather and your health. But these days, with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjectsare not safe either. So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to devolve into an argument, where our politicians cant speak to one another, and where even the most trivial of issues have someone fighting both passionately for it and against it, its not normal. Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized; we are more divided than we ever have been in history.要知道，在过去想要一段礼貌的交谈我们只要遵循亨利希金斯在窈窕淑女中的忠告，只谈论天气和你的健康状况就行了。但这些年随着气候变化以及反对疫苗运动的开展这招不怎么管用了。因此，在我们生活的这个世界，这个每一次交谈，都有可能发展为争论的世界，政客无法彼此交谈，甚至为那些鸡毛蒜皮的事情。都有人群情绪激昂地赞成或者反对，这太不正常了。皮尤研究中心对一万名美国成年人做了一次调查，发现此刻我们的偏激程度，我们立场鲜明的程度，比历史上任何时期都要高。We are less likely to compromise, which means were not listening to each other. And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be based on what we already believe. Again, that means were not listening to each other. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listing, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance. Now, part of that is due to technology. The smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly.我们更不倾向于妥协，这意味着我们没有倾听彼此。我们做的各种决定，选择生活在何处，与谁结婚甚至和谁交朋友，都只基于我们已有的信念。再重复一遍，这只说明我们没有倾诉彼此。交谈需要平静讲述和倾听，而不知怎么的，我们却偏偏失去了这种平衡。技术进步是部分原因，比如智能手机，现在就在你们手里，或者就在旁边，随手就能拿到。According to the Pew Research, About a third of American teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day. And many of them, almost most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face. Theres this great piece in The Atlantic. It was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell. And he gave his kids a communication project. He wanted to teach them how to speak on a specific subject without using notes. And he said this:” I came to realize”“I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach. Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications skills. It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves. Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?”根据皮尤的研究，大约三分之一的美国青少年每天发送超过一百条短信。而着中间很多人，几乎是所有人，更倾向于给朋友发短信，而不是面对面的交谈。大西洋杂志等过一篇很棒的文章，作者是高中教室保罗巴恩维尔。他给自己的学生一项交流任务，希望教会他们如何不借助笔记针对某一怀胎发表演讲。然后他说：“我开始意识到我开始意识到交流能力，可能是最被我们忽视的，没有好好教授的技能。孩子每天花费数小时通过屏幕接触创意和其他伙伴，但很少有机会去发觉自己的人际交往技能。”着听起来很好笑，但我们必须问问自己：“21实际，有什么技能会比维持一段连贯，自信的谈话更为重要？”Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers. I talk to people that I like. I talk to people that I dont like. I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level. But I still have a great conversation with them. So Id like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen. Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, things of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that youre paying attention, repeat back what you just heard or summarize it. So I want you to forget all of that. It is crap. There is no reason to learn how to show youre paying attention, if you are in fact paying attention. Now, I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life. So, Im going to teach you how to interview people, and thats actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists.现在，我的职业就是跟别人谈话。诺贝尔奖获得者、卡车司机、亿万富翁、幼儿园老师、州长、水管工。我和我喜欢的人交谈，也和我不喜欢的人交谈。我和在个人层面非常不同的人交谈。但我人就和他们有很好的交流。所以我希望接下来的10分钟教你们如何谈话，以及如何倾听。你们中间很多人以及听过无数建议，比如看着对方的眼睛，提前想好可以讨论的有趣话题，注视，点头并且微笑来表明你的专注，重复你刚才听到的，或者做总结。我想让你们忘掉所有这些，全部没用。根本没有必要去学习如何表现你的很专心，如果你确实很专心。我其实是把作为职业访谈者一模一样的技巧，用在了日常生活中。好，我要来教你们如何采访他人，这其实会帮助你们学习如何成为更好的沟通者。Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored, and, please God, without offending anybody. Weve all had really great conversations. Weve had them before. We know what its like. The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like youve made a real connection or youve been perfectly understood. There is no r